Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
