it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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