I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
