There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize