Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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