I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
