I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
