I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
