The maid of honor just puked.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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