i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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