Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
