he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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