Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
