All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
