for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize