You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
