my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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