I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
