Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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