Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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