We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
