Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
