I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
