look no pants
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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