Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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