What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
These tits shall not be calmed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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