toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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