he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
