I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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