I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
