How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
