after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
