everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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