You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
