So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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