if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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