just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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