There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This girl is more easily done than said...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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