Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
