currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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