My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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