I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
