The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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