she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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