So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
