I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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