I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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