I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
