I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
