drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
