dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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