i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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