oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
