i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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