Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize