In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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