Buhtt sex?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
