the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This baby is an asshole
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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