turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
