don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
