The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a beard to bite.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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