I have demons in me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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