Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
