K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
