drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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