By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
