If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
