Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
