I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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