How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
