Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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