I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
