Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
