He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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