i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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