I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
