Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
