A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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